Stress

We have one day left to finish the yearbook and too many pages to be done hell we're never finishing this unless a miracle happens for half the unfinished pages we don't even have the stuff to put on the page I am freaking out this is not fun anymore

My friends are fighting. Sad. Very sad me.

The birthday party went well. Lots of good movies were watched.

Drama is going well. I want a big pirate ship, but we're probably not going to get it...

Writing the novel is awful. Nothing is happening. I hate it right now. I showed it to K, S and J. K gave me lots of constructive criticism. S and J have been mute. This is nervewracking!

Apparently K and I have a 'thing'. We don't. I have moaned to him about a couple at school and I told him I never want to have a boyfriend in high school. I don't want anything to happen. Those people are stupid. They also seem to completely ignore the fact that my other two good friends are also boys.

Two random girls on the bus attacked my friend Sa. I was a lioness and protected her while keeping the moral high ground. So poisonous. I never want to meet them or go through something like that again.

My grandma got deceived by people on the phone and she's lost her credit card. I hate those people. I don't understand why.

I've started Aikido again! Really enjoying it. Very fun!

My finger is still the same.

I've had a really terrible cough ever since I got sick. I hate it. It's slightly painful and I keep hacking up mucous and snot.

...

I'm so tired. I give up on NaNoWriMo. Sad.

Update

I've been really sick over the past few days. Sore throat, coughing, sniffling, runny nose. Not fun. I can't speak at more than just below normal volume, because it hurts too much. I'm using constant Strepsil and drinking so much you wouldn't believe, but it still hurts. I may have to miss school tomorrow - whoops. Today - because this is not fun.

I got a part in the Junior Production! We're doing Peter Pan. I'm John! But horrid P made me audition with my voice like this, and yet I somehow still get a part! They understood my voice was dead, but they wanted to get the cast list out by that same day (yesterday).

S is Peter, which is good because he's definitely the best actor for the job. S and A got Lost Boys, and they're not too happy. S could've gotten Michael but she didn't, because with my voice like this, I was planning to audition tomorrow and E and P understood. But then they pulled me out of the last few minutes of class to audition quickly, and I forgot to ask for S, so it's partly my fault.

I got invited to K's birthday party! A boy? Le gasp! With a sleepover attached? Le gasp! We're watching a movie and playing DnD. His mother informed my mother that there will be strict parental guidance and separate rooms, so no hanky-panky.

Finger is fine... ish. There's a horizontal split in it and, if I push gently on part of the nail, I can see red underskin through the crack. I've covered it up for now. The nerve endings have died in the ball of my finger behind the nail. It's not that sore now.

I think that's all...

First day back at school

K was really quiet. I think he's had a few too many late nights. J has a new hat; he lost his old hat. I got an excellence on that essay. I am very proud of that! I'm doing the junior production this year. It's Peter Pan. I'm going for either John, Mr Darling, or Smee. Choices, choices... I should go down to the library sometime soon. I've run out of books to read. I need to get my life together. Apparently F and R and the other leads aren't as tired as I am. Maybe that's just my fault.

Last show

Well. That's that. I'm sad it's over, but I don't think we could've kept going for much longer. I wish dad let me stay for longer afterwards, though. I slept in until 12 am today. Sleep is a wonderful commodity.

Second and third shows

We did two shows practically in a row! Argh...

The matinee was the understudies performance. Unluckily, the lead parts didn't have understudies. Well, they did, but they all dropped out. There were only actually a few understudies in the end. It's like I told E. I came to make one costume. I ended up getting an understudy's part! Ridcully is quite a large part. I acted him in the matinee. It went fairly well, I think, but the whole time I was on stage, all the lights were pointed at me. I was trembling the entire time, and my lip still has small intents where I bit it to stop myself from laughing or crying. But I think I did pretty well! I projected, I didn't forget any of my lines, and I reacted how Ridcully would. Yay!

And in the second, guess what happened? I got my finger shut in one of the prop doors whilst we were moving set. I had been standing with my bit of wall, and the box that needed to move so I could move my wall wasn't moving. I thought that maybe they weren't strong enough to move it, or maybe there was no one there to move it. So I grabbed what I thought was the side of the door and I was about to start pulling, when I saw that there was a box in the way. So I tried to let go. But as I removed my hands from the box, I felt something close around my finger. I tried to pull away, but the door just kept crushing my finger more and more. I knew I couldn't scream properly. There was a show going on! But a really highpitched yelp must've slipped out. I finally managed to yank my finger out and ran as fast as I possibly could, already starting to cry. It hurt so much!! I had to get out, because the show must go on. Seeing me coming tearing through everyone like that, E and D and a few others came over and asked what happened. My finger was a bloody mess. That's a description, not my swearing. I ran it under cold water and wrapped it in paper towels. I was crying and E was depressed... And then I stopped. I stopped crying and got over myself partly. I put on my acting face and told E to stop crying because she'll smudge her makeup and she's supposed to be comforting me, not the other way around. So many people asked me if I was OK, I decided I needed a badge or something saying 'I'm OK'. Lovely, lovely Et (the Mr. Pump actor) sat with me for simply ages, just talking to me about life and Terry Pratchet. And when I started to think I was OK,  I became so. I came out for the bows at the very end. It still hurts, but only a little. The nail's probably going to fall off. Goody. 

S, who was watching the later show, thought that everyone was exhausted and therefore the show was worse than yesterday (which he had also seen). But in our defense, we had done a matinee only two hours previously, which he did not see.

First show

So. It happened and I am writing this straight after I've gotten home. I loved every second of it. The characters were amazing. I forgot my lunch but it was OK. I am performing Ridcully tomorrow for one show as well as moving backdrop for two shows. At interval we walked around outside in costume and just hung out for 15 minutes. So amazing! My name was even in the cast list! Afterwards I felt like I was walking on sunshine. Someone was planning to go home with no trousers on! Naming no names of course... *cough cough* F *cough cough*

And then? Then, I get picked up.

It's like my part doesn't even matter anymore. I am asked once by each member of my family how it went. Then they ignore me and start talking about the musicians.

Yes, I know they did amazingly too, but can it be about me for one minute? I am such a minor part, just being crowd and moving backdrops, but I am on more than the leads. I want to know that I did well. I want them to ask me to tell them everything. I want to be asked to talk for a change. I want to be congratulated. Just one night of fame for me. Please.

YAY!

Well, I had to fill in for M today because he was sick. I played as Ridcully, the wizard. It was great. I practically learnt my lines in two hours. I had to take my script onstage. I was shaking the whole time. But somehow, I kind of want him to be sick again... No. Bad thoughts, self. Bad!

Argh!

We perform. Tomorrow. Argh. We are NOT READY. Not everyone has costumes. The lines are not perfect. The set changes are sloppy and slow and no one's where they should be. Tomorrow I'm going to make a run sheet for prop people. Phew...

Back to school

So, back to school. I am not doing any classes this first week. I am helping with the production, and it is amazing. The acting is perfect, I adore the evil characters - Vetinari is perfectly written. He knows he is a tyrant and even says so a few times. But he is working for the good of the city. But Reacher's acting is incredible. He is the embodiment of evil. He is completely composed and self-assured. He knows he will be completely fine, right up to the last seconds of his life.

I will talk more about the others tomorrow. I have a whole week of this!

Grr

All my friends are mad or sulking or not talking and I'm not sure if they like me or I am their friend or if they even want me coming to the movies with them.

I got Go game records (kifu) from someone at the club. I lost twice and I am despondent.

:'(

I read a book about a deaf teen, and it really hit home. I'm not deaf, but I did what I always do when I read something sad - I start imagining myself being deaf. Then blind. Then I imagined myself going through everyday situations. Then I started crying. Geez, I'm dumb. I want to go home.

Meh

I'm exhausted so this will be extra short.

Go club was meh. I played two games, and won the one I should've lost and lost the one I should've won. There was an annoying person there tonight.

Writing progress is slow now. Don't know why.

Stories and Skiing

I kind of want to write a different story on my own for once, but I don't know what idea to write about!

On a side note, I went skiing today! It was fun but I'm REALLY sunburnt now! Grr!

Stuff

All my friends are going/have gone away for the school holidays! Grr! And poor me is left here, forced to write essays and chapters...

In my last post I said I gave out incorrect information, right? Well, turns out I wasn't supposed to write all that.

So I get to write a different chapter and I have writers' block for this particular bit... And the mobile games are calling my name, and I have so little willpower I have to go play the stupid games... Be strong, self!

Pointless thing

I really don't know what to say... The term's over? I'm very self-conscious? I accidentally wrote incorrect information in the last post? My sleep problem is getting worse? Cat memes are hilarious? I don't know what to write next in the novel?

Exams

So, today I had my maths exam. I ran out of time and couldn't finish my detailing. I'm pretty sure I'll get an Achieved, but fingers tightly crossed for a Merit! I won't get it. I barely finished the lowest standard!

I also had my Maori exam today. I hope that I did do everything right and pronounced all my vowels correctly.

In other news, I got to hang out with the Drama crowd today. They're all really nice people. I helped paint sets and see the play come to life before my eyes. Sugoi!

The lead actor was cast really well, I think. He's immense presence on stage. It sounds like I love him! Yeah right.

Writing update

So, we've finished chapter 21! I need to get around to writing 22, though.

She's currently disguised as a boy and is kinda falling in love with her tentmate. This will go well for her when he dies, as he will undoubtedly do.

Very very soon she has to kill. She has to come to terms with that, or she is mentally going to be even more destroyed.

That will be simply lovely for her, and even better for me to write, seeing as I've never been through what she has.

Right now, she is mentally very isolated. Her tentmates are ignoring her and she's going to be caught. All she can decide is when she will be caught. Just great.

Today

School was horrible today. I was a bitch to my friend and he stopped talking to me for most of the day. I'm a horrible person sometimes. I cried tonight.

One week left!

In one week I will have been a school kid for one whole term. Wow.

And I have a maths exam on Friday? And another for Maori? SO NOT READY! But I need that holiday to catch up with my homeschooled friends, especially E.  There's a homeschool prom at the end of the year, and I want her to come with me. It's for past and present homeschooled people, so I can still go! Yay! Hopefully she wants to go with me...

Armageddon 2

So. I have decided!

For my very first cosplay competition entry, I am going to make everything. Except her guns. Yes, I am going as Riza Hawkeye! The short haired version you sometimes see before and after the series ends, because wigs suck.

You don't know what a terrible sewer I am, do you? Well, I suck. Straight lines are difficult, and curved are just straight out hard. And I'm making a cloth costume? All on my own? I am really really stupid to try this! But there's quite a bit of time between now and March, so I have time to mess up and still get a fairly good costume together.

Should I post pictures? I don't know if there's anyone reading this... Yes. I shall. Maybe. If I can remember how to upload pictures.

My fault

Well, today I screwed up.

I went to a friend's birthday party. That's all fine, right? Except my other friend and my sister both weren't invited. Well, my sister was, but I kinda didn't want her to come. So I came home from the party, feeling great and happy, and K is inside crying on the couch.

This is all my fault.

I almost felt like offloading the blame on someone else, like my friend not following through and making sure she was coming, or their car not having enough seats to drop everyone else, but they were just excuses. It's all my fault.

And over the past few days whenever I see my other friend, she keeps on dropping little hints like, Why do you get invited to her party and I don't? and, You like her more than me! which is just not fair, but it makes me feel terrible and awful that my friend didn't invite both of us or I forced my friend to invite both of us.

Keyboard mash of anger: po'i;ukyfjtdhregsafwdszvxcvbnj,

And I get to see the uninvited friend tomorrow. So that should be just dandy.

Armageddon!!

So every year there's this comic convention that comes to my city. It's this amazing place called Armageddon. I plan to cosplay there! The only problem? I don't know who to go as!

I could go as: Edward Elric from FMA, my DnD character Eida, my novel character Asuka, an original character, or Lieutenant Hawkeye from FMA.

Edward is my preferred choice, but I have to do him well in less than a month. I'm a girl. I don't have the hair. And automail is very very difficult.

Eida would be amazing. I could get the entire DnD group to cosplay as their characters! There are practically no drawbacks, because no one but me knows what she's supposed to look like!

Asuka would also be awesome, but I don't have her hair. There aren't any other problems, except she's meant to be about thirty-five.

The original character would be built around this amazing white shirt and black waistcoat combination I found. I'd do it almost steampunk style. It'd be great!

I don't have Hawkeye's hair either. I pretty much have the colour but not the length. And her uniform would be a problem...

The reason I'm worried about the hair is because last year my wig looked terrible and I want to do justice to the character.

I'm going to enter the competition this year. It will (hopefully) be great. But I don't have much time left, whatever I do.

What I'm doing here

I suppose I should talk about what I'm writing/blogging about. A few things. I shall make a list.

1. I am writing a novel with a friend, and this will detail my progress, or lack thereof.

2. My starting highschool after being homeschooled my whole life up till now.

3. Living in an city still feeling the aftereffects of living through a quake.

4. Life through the eyes of a child just thirteen.

I was sure that that list was longer in my head...

Little incident I wanted to share

Today I was at a sustainability expo. F from school was there. He was introducing me and my two friends and he said, "S, K, and- and the pretty one." That made me feel so damn good about myself, you cannot believe. Yes, it was just in fun, because I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend, I'm about 5 years younger than him, I'm not interested in him like that, and he's in the drama group so I know he can act.

Anyway, later on F forgot my name again, so he called me pretty again. K jumped on him for objectifying women, and he said, "Well, do you want me to call her ugly? Or would you prefer, 'she's OK?'"

K was still a bit iffy, so F continued. I was smiling by this time. "Or how about, 'your smile's pretty but your body's a bit meh?'"
Gaah, F's funny and kind of intimidating. I want to be friends with him but I don't - no. I'm just scared of him pushing me away. I should stop being so cowardly.

I won't see him tomorrow, most likely. Hmm. Do I want to? Stupid me. Of course I do!

Meh

I feel like an absolute scumbag today. My tiredness is no excuse. It's only my fault. I need to stop going on the phone late at night. It's just pointless, and it's all my fault. I'm being stupid and really horrible to people.
That aside, today was really lovely. K and S and I went to the Gardens and completely skived off school. It was great, and the LAs let us. I was so damn happy!

I want to talk

I want to tell someone everything that happened to me in Taz. I want to tell them everything, and I want to know that they won't tell anyone.
I want to tell someone about M and for them not to tell anyone. And I don't want B or T to know that I want to talk to the school counsellor. Because I'm pretty sure they'll ask why.
I just want to talk for ages and for no one to stop me, and then to rub my back and say that it's OK to feel this way about stuff.
Maybe I shall retreat into the playhut with a phone and call youth line. They'd listen.

Layout

So, the rough layout is as follows: 16 chapters for the first part, 50 ish for the war, and maybe 20 ish for the aftermath? I dunno. Maybe we can write a few more chapters to bring the total up to 20 before and 20 afterwards. That seems nice and even! I'll have to ask her.

Actually, it really depends on where the 'war' starts. If it starts with the fighting, then we have 20 at least. But if it starts with them leaving then we've only gotten 16. Hmm. Problems.

Chapter 17

Yay! Finally that huge stumbling block is gone and we can now write individually for about twenty chapters. I'm so glad she's finished it! It's not her fault she couldn't, but it's still really good to have that chapter done. There's a huge emotional turning point coming up for my character and I really want to finish that. Ahhh, it feels good to be able to write again.

School

School is big and scary. I like/hate it. J and K and S and H are really nice, but H's boyfriend annoys me heaps! He just seems too nice/sleazy, if that makes sense... If he makes her cry, I swear I will punch him.

Problems

My character is in a war. She has the possibility to be killed every second, and she is forced to kill. This is slowly destroying her, and it seems sometimes, me as well. I can't think straight, I sleep really badly, I cry over tiny things, I am generally grumpy all the time to my friends and family, and life is generally crap. I'm not quite sure how to heal her mind, either. But I think that if I help her, that will help me too. But again, I'm not quite sure how to help her. Hmm.

Writing

I am writing a novel. It is an estimated 50 chapters and I'm writing it with my friend.
Contrary to popular belief, co-writing isn't that difficult. You just have to know when to fight about a point you believe in and when to let go and admit you may be wrong. Also, you have to really like the other person and not fight over little things. Thank goodness I do.